Tues. morning at 4:53 am my world came crashing down. Not horribly crashing, but enough to keep me from blogging, eating, cooking, running, reading, or anything else I love. I have a giant pain in my neck, actually a pinched nerve in my neck that caused my whole left arm to go numb, and I am ashamed to admit, James has now seen me at my all time worst moment in life. Even having babies naturally was nothing compared to what he saw Tues. I won't go into detail, you don't want to know anyways.
I was so desperate, I went to the doctor though. I never go to the doctor. I have to be having a baby or something like that and then I only stay until the baby is out. I never go back for check ups, nothing. "We'll see you in 6 weeks." they say. That doesn't happen. We've been lucky, or blessed or we're just too cheap to go to the doctor, plus they never have anything wonderful to tell you.
I went to two different Chiropractors. I was that desperate. As I'm sitting in the office, James is looking at me like he's afraid to touch me, while tears are rolling down my cheeks. The doctor comes in and starts his routine. As he is walking around me, touching parts, and clicking, and all sorts of weird things I looked at him and said, "My mother would love you!" (She's a witch doctor you know.) Then I looked at James and said, " You didn't tell me we were coming to a witch doctor!" I love it when some doctor comes into the bakery, gets a little chummy with James and then we go to them. It's always such a treat.
Well this guy got right to the point. This is what he said. "Well I've done some energy testing on you and your body is telling me that you have a DEEP EMOTIONAL SADNESS that is causing the problem. " He went on to ask if I was depressed, stressed, sad.......on and on and honestly he was talking about the wrong gal. Hello, my name is Lisa and I am happy! Obviously he didn't ever see me play the part of Happy in The Seven Dwarfs. "I'm Happy. Happy, Happy, Happy!" was my big line. My mom said I was amazing! I am the epitome of a happy girl. I thought everyone knew that. My husband is wonderful, he is tall, dark, handsome, fun, and dang it I've tricked him into thinking I'm amazing. He loves everything about me. He even told me the other day he loves it when I squeal in the car when it's cold. He used to hate that. He loves me. I have 4 perfect children (most of the time), a beautiful life by any ones standard. Heck, I even get all the free bread I ever want. My life is good. It always has been! I looked at James and could see he was trying to stifle a big laugh. This guy was nuts, and we both knew it. Or maybe he secretly wanted to be Oprah. Who knows.
After a second visit of cracking and making me cry again he finally admitted he couldn't do anything for me. Try a physical therapist he said. He does want me to come back when I've managed the pain to find out what my deep sadness is from. I'm sure he thinks he can solve the worlds problem. Of course I'll come back in a few week I said. That's what I told the OB-GYN......seven years ago! Fat chance.
I have a wonderful physical therapist who makes house calls. He's in my ward, and he is now one of my favorite people. I'm feeling better, and he laughed at my Deep Emotional Sadness story. He said I just got lucky and twisted wrong. That's the way to look at it. Anyway if you can think of anything traumatic that's caused me a deep emotional sadness would you please remind me. For now I'll stick with being happy! Happy that my pain in the neck is going away!